WOODMERE, NY - A recent rash of car accidents in the Woodmere area has led the students of DRS to believe that the area is cursed. The area formed by Rockaway Turnpike, Broadway, and Peninsula Boulevard has begun to become called the "Peninsula Triangle," a reference to the famous "Bermuda Triangle," where ships supposedly go and never come back.

"It's really weird driving there," said one student, who will be known only as Adam Pfefferson. "I mean, it's like you're not in control anymore. Sometimes brakes just stopped working." A few of Pfefferson's classmates looked on incredulously during the interview. Some do not believe in the power of the triangle.

A map of the deadly "Peninsula Triangle," formed by Rockaway Turnpike, Broadway, and of course, Peninsula Boulevard.

"Please," said one student. "People don't get into accidents because of 'mystical forces.' It happens because they're bad drivers." Seems reasonable. Or does it? To this, Pfefferson responded "76.9% of accidents in the United States happen on busy streets. Is that because of bad drivers or because the roads are cursed? I think the facts speak for themselves. Also, sign up for the football tournament."

But don't think things ended there. Dr. Harvey von Schmelsdulmukelbaum, a noted scientist, said: "It is obvious that there is a higher percentage of accidents within the "Peninsula Triangle" than on school grounds. It is highly possible that this is due to a large concentration of evil forces there. Why, just yesterday, thirteen black cats crossed my path while I was walking down Broadway. That is slightly abnormal. Also, if you would look at all maps of the area, you will see that the "Peninsula Triangle" is an isosceles triangle, which is widely known to be the most evil type of triangle."

There have been other strange occurences in the "Peninsula Triangle" in addition to car accidents. For example, it is widely known that if one does not cross at a light on Peninsula Boulevard, he is violating a commandment from the Torah. This is the only place in the world where this phenomenom occurs.

Just one of many victims of the "Peninsula Triangle." Note the ghostly clown dancing in the background. Coincidence? This reporter doesn't think so.

But Rabbi Kaminetsky does not seem too worried about this. When asked to comment, he said: "I am not too worried about this. It's all just silly superstition. Now if you'll excuse me, I have to flush my toenails down the toilet and put my shoes back on by putting the right one on and then the left one, and subsequently tying the left one before the right one."

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