I didn't get to see any new movies this week, but I did catch "Adaptation". So I'm reviewing that. If you have a problem with that, you can go fuck yourselves. HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA! I loved that joke!

The logo of the movie is Nicolas Cage's face on a broken flower pot, because the movie is about flowers and Nicolas Cage breaks the bottom of his face off.

This movie starts off really good, with Charlie Kaufman talking about how much he hates himself. The funny thing is, everything he says is true! The guys sucks. And since he's real, I really can't wait until he gets down here. He must be hell to hang out with. In hell! Oh yeah! Good joke! Up high!

Anyway, the movie shows the set of "Being John Malkovich," which is a pretty fucked-up movie in its own right. John Malkovich is there, and he's being really creepy. If I didn't know any better, I'd think that he's me. Charlie gets sad and leaves the set because nobody likes him. Because he's a fucking loser! John Malkovich never shows up again, but that's ok, because everyone else makes up for that.

Charlie has been asked to write the film adaptation for "The Orchid Thief," a book by some bitch called Susan Orlean. Hence the really fucking deep title of the movie. Anyway, he has some trouble writing in and that's the plot of the entire movie.

This is Nicolas Cage, playing Charlie Kaufman, and Nicolas Cage, playing Nicolas Cage's brother, Donald Kaufman. I have no idea what the fuck is going on either.

Of course, there's a bunch of interesting stuff that happens later on, but I don't want to ruin the plot for you. I don't know why, I mean, I am Satan, but I just feel that something this evil should not be ruined. There is some crazy shit that happens in this movie. Nicolas Cage has a lot of sex alone, there is a filmmaker guy who curses a lot, some guy says "I fucked her in the ass" a lot, and someone gets shot and dies in a car accident. And it's based on a true story!

Chris Cooper, as the guy with no front teeth. When he gets money, he's gonna buy an awesome car. He smells like shit.

Also, you see some woman's tits, and Chris Cooper's ass. So there's something for everyone. This movie is really something that makes me feel all warm inside. Or maybe it's the ever-blazing fires of hell. That's always a possibilty.

In this movie, Nicolas Cage plays two brothers, who also co-write the movie. Some people have been spreading some hideous rumors, saying that Donald isn't real. This couldn't be farther from the truth. I've met him, and he really is the highly annoying prick he is in the movie. Life really does imitate art.

The actors in this movie are great. Especially Cage. I really can't get over Cage. He went from being a complete loser in "The Family Man" to being a fucking loser, but a really interesting one in this one. He must've gained 50 pounds for this movie. That's a shitload of fried chicken.

Nicolas Cage vs. his computer in a search to see who could find the most porn. It ended in a tie.

All in all, I really liked this movie. It's directed by Spike Jonze, who directed some other good movies, I think. Actually, I just like him because his first name is "Spike." How can you not like someone named "Spike?" That's only 4 letters away from my name! Anyway, for all of the nudity, sex, violence, and all-around fun in this movie, I give it four burning skulls.