WOODMERE, NY - After the "BLIZZARD OF '03!!!!!!!!!!!!!!111111," many DRS students immediately called up the DRS Hotline in order to find out if school (ed. "yeshiva") had been cancelled. Unfortunately, this information could not easily be ascertained. Instead of merely providing a simple "cancelled" or "not cancelled," Rabbi Kaminetsky rambled on for a record 3 hours, only mentioning the cancelled at the end of the third hour.

The telephone...of death!

"It was ridiculous," said one disgruntled student. "I mean, I just wanted to know whether I had to go to sleep early or could stay up, but I had to listen to Rabbi Kaminetsky go on and on about girls, the dress code, breakfast, even Rabbi Vender. I mean, he really just couldn't control himself.

The message began harmless enough, with Rabbi Kaminetsky simply stating that he had four things to announce (over the phone). He then went on to talk about the senior's Sha'alvim interviews. Things were still pretty normal then. When he got to the topic of Rabbi Storch's cell phone number, though, things started to get out of hand. The thought of Rabbi Storch reminded Rabbi Kaminetsky that some students of DRS attend Camp Morasha, which is widely regarded to be completely shtuss, and one of the most evil places on Earth. Besides Holland, of course.

Rabbi Kaminetsky continued on the topic of Camp Morasha for a good ten minutes and then worked his way to the topic of girls. He complained about the way they talk, the way they act, the way they dress (he especially disliked the words on the asses, though he didn't use the word "ass"), and the way they come to DRS games. That led him onto the topic of sports, with which he stayed for a solid half hour. The other topics he touched included hard cheese, television, David Pfeffer, computers, manilla paper, glue, drugs, alchohol, David Pfeffer, music, and David Pffefer. There was also a five minute pause during which absolutely no sound was made.

This picture is really ominous for some reason.

When Rabbi Kaminetsky finally said that school is cancelled, he did not just let that stand. He also explained that any test that was scheduled for Tuesday will be taken on Wednesday the 19, obviously assuming that DRS students care about the day of the month. He also announced that there will be a 9 o'clock minyan at the Young Israel Of Woodmere, which is especially helpful for those students who live in Woodmere and have absolutely no means of communication except a phone that will only dial a single phone number, and must find out whether or not school is cancelled AND whether there will be a 9 o'clock minyan.

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